i fell for you, stupid
by thehoundsofjustice
Summary: Jonathan Good never had an ideal life, but moving to Vegas was one of the best thing he'd done in his twenty-two years of living in this hell hole called Earth. Or was it? He meets a charming modern prince, but his world is soon turned around and he's convinced that being happy was overrated and that true love is only for movies. Will he ever be able to trust again? AU
1. Prologue

_Prologue_

A small boy from a small town, that's all Jonathan Good was. He grew up knowing everyone in his city, _hating_ everyone in his city especially the two people who gave him life. It was bullshit when people say that you owe your parents everything considering they gave birth to you, but when those same parents neglected you your whole life, there wasn't much you felt like giving back to them. As if they deserved a fucking metal for leaving you alone for days at a time while they ran off with their 'friends' on a high and drinking binge. Jon never felt like he owed his parents a damn thing except getting out of their way so that they can continue living the life they never gave up even when they had a kid they were supposed to take care of. Finally, when he was old enough, scrounging up the bills of money that he stuffed in his worn out mattress, holes in the walls, wood panels, and anywhere that his junkie parents wouldn't find, he had enough money to get the hell out of that fuck town, going as far as he possibly could.

Ending up in Vegas, the twenty-two year old got a job as a bartender at some casino while also working at the local Boys and Girls' club as counselor mornings and weekends. He got lucky, making enough money to get himself a nice little apartment and make a budget each month that he always met. But it wasn't easy, emotionally speaking. The first night he spent in his apartment, he cried himself to sleep, wishing that he grew up normal, that he would get a call from his parents asking how Vegas was going and if he was okay, but he knew that was too much to ask for. They didn't care about him, no one cared about him. Jon was nothing but a little boy in a big world, making it on his own with no support system behind him. But every morning, he still got up and put that blue collared shirt with his name and the Boys and Girls' club logo printed on the left breast, and he went to work with a bag packed filled with his bartender uniform. He'd leave from the club to the casino, working well into the night and early morning before heading home, getting a few hours of sleep, and doing it all over again in the morning. This was his life. It wasn't an ideal one, but it was _his_. And he was damn sure going to make the most of it.

* * *

**AN:** I decided to write something new since it's been a while since I published Darkest Secrets. This is my AU Ambreigns story which will have some twists in turns that might surprise you. Either way, I hope that you enjoy it because I had a hell of a time writing it. :)


	2. What happens in Vegas

It was mid November of 2012 when Jon's life took a turn. He wouldn't know if it was for the worst or better until later, but at first? It was the best turn that he could ever ask for. He was working at the casino one night, his regulars coming up and greeting him as he ordered his food. It's been almost a year since he moved to Vegas and he's become a bit popular in the club scene, mostly with the women. Though he wouldn't call himself a 'player' as the term loosely centered around him, he did enjoy spending time with various women who were willing to go home with him at the end of his shift to have meaningless sex, sometimes awkward confession time with drunk companions. And who could really blame him for doing so? He was a virgin before coming to Vegas and being a young man that he was, Jon was obviously going to take advantage of women who _actually_ wanted to have sex with him. It was Vegas, after all. That night, though, things changed. A birthday party was planned for the evening and Jon, along with a few other workers, were assigned to the VIP room where the party was taking place. He wasn't at his usual work station and it felt awkward to him, but it was his job and what had to be done will be done. He set himself up behind the mini bar, blue eyes gliding over the party comers as they walked in and everyone greeted each other with loud 'hey!'s" and taking a shot once a new group of people entered. He smiled to himself and shook his head, mixing drinks, winking, and slightly flirting with whatever girls hung around the mini bar.

That was when he saw _him_.. A mesmerizing man with long locks of hair and a smile that would make any woman fall to their knees in front of him. Jon's stomach tightened and he wondered why his attention was stirred by the other man, but he couldn't quite put his finger on it. The jersey he had on had a Georgia Tech logo on it along with the number 96 and Jon quickly realized he was a football player. Of course he was, a man his size had to play some kind of sport. Jon tried to focus on his job, but each time a roaring laugh came from the other man, his attention faltered again and he found himself staring, wishing he was in on whatever joke the group was entertained by.

"Hell of a guy, huh?"

Jon jumped when he heard someone speaking to him, settling on an empty bench at the mini bar. "Uh.. What can I get you?"

The young woman smiled and shook his head, tucking a piece of blond hair behind her ear. "I'm not drinking tonight, thank you. Actually came over to talk to you since.. Well, since your eyes have barely left Joe's face."

He frowned and busied himself with cleaning up his work area. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Trust me, darling. I get it. Joe's hot. Men and woman would kill to get a piece of that hunk."

Jon hid his blush as he turned away, grabbing a beer for a returning costumer and handed it off to him, nodding when the man tipped him. "Listen, I don't mean to sound rude, but I'm working and.. I really need this job, so.."

"I'm not stopping you, Jonathan." The woman smiled, a beautiful smile Jon nodded, as she leaned against the counter and poked his name tag. It was obvious that she wasn't going anywhere. "My name's Renee, by the way, and if there's anything you wanted to know about anyone in this party, Leati Joseph A'noai included, you could ask me. I'm pretty much the gossip whore around here."

Jon laughed softly, throwing a small towel over his shoulder as his fingers fidgeted with the apron around his waist. "What's the point? I won't see any of you after tonight. From what I've heard, half of you aren't even from Vegas."

"You're right, but Joe? He moved here not too long ago which is why we're here in the first place. His best friend-" She turned and scanned the room for the group, pointing towards a shorter guy wearing a jersey just like Joe's only with the number 45 on it. "Tony Miller, it's his birthday and what better way to celebrate a guy's 25th birthday than coming to Vegas, right?"

Sighing to himself, Jon shrugged, rubbing the back of his head. "Yeah, I suppose.." Though, he really didn't know. He didn't have any friends and the ones he had weren't as close to him as everyone here appeared to be with each other. "So, you're all from Georgia Tech?"

"Most of us are. A lot of them go to colleges in Florida, a few in New York. Mostly from the East coast."

"And what brought, uh.." He cleared his throat, blue eyes lifting to search for the man they'd been talking about, but he wasn't there anymore. "Um, what brought Joe to Vegas?"

Renee shrugged, fingers brushing through his long blond hair. "I don't really know, actually. He just said he had some unfinished business here and moved right at the end of the school term. He's only been here for a few months, though, so I'm not entirely sure if he's gonna come back home or he's planning on staying here." She smiled and leaned forward again, hand tucked under her chin. "You like him?"

Jon frowned, his eyebrows pulled together as he stumbled over his words. "W-what? No, I.. I'm not g.. He just.. I don't know, caught my attention. But I'm not gay, I mean.. I like women.."

"Relax, okay? No one's judging. It was just a question." She chuckled and bit her lip, shrugging again. "You seem like his type, though. He's into blond guys, but loves black girls, too. Indecisive bastard. I think he does it cause he knows he can get whatever person he wants."

Jon's face flushed as he turned crimson red, clearing his throat and shuffling around attempting to busy himself making a random drink no one asked for. "I should get back to work."

"Alright, alright. I know when to take my leave, but Jonathan.." She waited until Jon looked up at her. "Take it from someone who waited until college to finally come out of her shell and talk to guys: It's not worth it. If you know what you want, go for it. Put your heart on the line even if there's a risk that someone will break it because you never know how absolutely amazing something could be if you don't try." Smiling bright at him, Renee winked before hopping off the stool and pulling her short dress down as she joined the rest of the party.

The night slowly died down and by three in the morning, half of the party attenders had left the VIP room. Renee said goodbye to Jon before leaving, slipping her number to him and leaning across the mini bar to kiss his cheek. He smiled and blushed, wondering if it was an act of friendliness or something more, but didn't put too much thought into it as he slipped the piece of paper into his back pocket. He'll text her in a couple days so not to seem rude. After he'd talk to Renee, Jon kept himself busy on his work and his eyes off of Joe, not even knowing if the other man was still at the party or had departed long ago. Jon noticed he didn't come to the bar once in the whole night, but always had a beer in his head and that made him wonder a lot about who the football player was. Obviously popular, the blond laughed to himself. Who was he kidding, thinking he could ever get with a person like Joe? Not that he _wanted_ to, but.. even if he did. Joe was on another level and Jon was never going to be able to reach it.

Near five in the morning, he noted even less people and finally decided to ask his boss if it was okay to head home. He needed to be up at nine to head to the Boys and Girls' club and needed enough rest since they were working in the indoor pool that afternoon. As he cleaned up his area, he didn't notice Joe walking up to the bar for the first time that night, his long hair now pulled back in a bun that rested messily on the back on his head. "How much do I owe?" He spoke, his voice deep and booming even though he wasn't trying to speak loud.

Jon froze, his stomach tightening as he cleared his throat and spoke in a squeaky voice. "I.. d-don't handle the, uh.. bill." He explained, rubbing the back of his neck. "You need to go to the office in the back of the casino to the right. You can't miss it."

Joe looked up, light grey blue eyes staring right into Jon's own as he smiled. "Right, sorry. I completely forgot to follow those directions." He set his large hands on the mini bar counter, one curling around his black wallet.

Jon swallowed thickly, staring back at the older man and wondered why he hadn't left yet, suddenly becoming unsettled. "Uh.."

"The bill." He said simply, pointing to a long receipt hanging off the scanner.

Jon closed his eyes, feeling like an idiot before he quickly finished printing the receipt and ripped it off the scanner, folding it up and handing it over to Joe.

"Thank you." The large man said with a smile, biting his lip as he reached over to grab the receipt, purposely covering his Jon's hand with his own. "Jonathan.."

"How do you know my name?" Jon's eyes widened.

Joe laughed again, tapping his chest before tucking the receipt in the center of his wallet and shutting it as he winked at the blond and turned to walk away.

Jon watched the other man as he walked away and disappeared from the room before looking down and noticing his name tag, groaning audibly. God, he felt so fucking stupid for making himself look like a complete fool in front of Joe. In that moment, he hoped that he never had to see the other man in his life again, even if they did live in the same city. "Big city.." He kept repeating to himself as he left the VIP room to go talk to his boss, getting permission to clock out and headed home.


	3. Happy Hellsgiving

The days dragged on and soon it was near Thanksgiving time. Jon hated the holidays, mostly because he never got to celebrate them as a kid. He never had a big meal on Thanksgiving or presents on Christmas, unless you counted the filthy men his father brought home feeling him up before they left for their holiday binge. This time of year was always a drag to him and Jon hated the constant reminder that he'd never celebrated these times, the decorations hanging around the city or people talking about their plans for Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years. It was obnoxious to him and he couldn't wait until January rolled around so he wouldn't have to deal with it anymore. During work, he'd gotten more job assignments since a lot of the workers were using up their vacation time this week, splitting it up between now and December. Often times he'd work as a waiter and some nights as security. As fun as it was, he missed the bar and the seclusion it provided. He didn't have to worry about looking back all the time, thinking someone was following him, waiting to strike him or anything. But he knew it was only for a short time so he did what he had to do and shut his mouth, not complaining about it once.

He'd expected Joe to became a distant memory, but Jon thought of him more often than not. Especially on those lonely nights in his room as he laid on his bed, a cigarette burning between his fingers. He thought about Joe's smile, the feel of his large hand against Jon's and how it would feel against his body. He had vivid dreams about Joe touching him all over, tracing long fingers over his stomach, length, and ass. It became frustrating, but Jon couldn't deny how it made him feel every morning he woke up with a boner, courtesy of the mysterious man. He tried to watch gay porn, tried to get more in touch with that side of him that he now knew he had. That side of him that made blue eyes linger to men's faces and bodies, judging if they were good looking or not. That side of him that had those same eyes staring at bulges, wondering if whatever random guy he was staring at was as big as those men in the porn videos and how it would feel if they were inside of him. It unsettled him a lot at first, though. Watching men fucking, the bottom begging for the top to slam into him harder even though he was already getting pounded with a merciless force. He tried to touch himself, making his fingers wet and rubbing them against his entrance, moaning with his back arching off the bed, but he couldn't bring himself to slide the digits inside of himself. It scared him too much to take that final step and that frustrated him even more. He was becoming crazy with lust and if he didn't get a hold of himself, he knew that he would go to one of those brothel houses to take care of the needs he had harbored up inside of him. He felt ashamed at his actions and thoughts, embarrassed even in public cause he thought people could read his mind and knew what he was up to. Ashamed to even work with the kids at the club after watching porn and attempting once again to finger himself just hours prior. He was going mad- absolutely mad.

On Thanksgiving night, Jon was working as a waiter, glad that the people who came into the casino that night shared his thoughts and feelings on the holidays. It lifted his spirits even more after getting the news that he was able to go home tonight earlier than usual with a bonus for working so hard. An hour or so before his shift was due to be over, his eyes caught sight of a familiar man, though, and those spirits came tumbling down into a fit of nervousness and embarrassment. Joe, along with a few friends, were being led to a booth in his section of the small restaurant, having Jon running to the back in an attempt to catch his breath. He could only hope that Joe had forgotten who he was, but even he knew that was a long shot. Grabbing a meal, he set it on the serving platter and walked out of the kitchen, heading over to set the plate down in front of a grumbling old man, reassuring that if he needed anything, to catch his attention and he'd be right over. Swallowing thickly, he set the serving platter on the counter behind him and slowly walked over to the booth that Joe was seated at, his fingers fumbling with his small notepad and pen. "G-good evening. My name is.. Jon and I'll be your waiter this evening.." He looked at Joe through his lashes, but noticed the man was too engrossed in his menu and hadn't noticed him yet. "What can I get you all to drink?"

One by one the men ordered drinks that varied from beers to water with lemon before he got to Joe, who finally looked up and a smile spread over his face. "I'll have a Long Island Ice Tea and a water." He said, his voice as silky and deep as Jon remembered it. Leaning back, he wrapped his arm around the man beside him, fingers drumming against his shoulder. "And some of those boneless wings. Honey barbecue."

Jon's face flushed slightly as he nodded, quickly jotting his order down and trying to keep the thoughts that this other man was Joe's boyfriend out of his head. "Okay, do you all need a few minutes to look over the menus?" The men mumbled yes and Jon nodded, turning to leave, but his wrist was captured, stopping him in his tracks.

Joe stood, his tall frame hovering over Jon's own as his long hair glided around his shoulders. "Point me to the bathroom, will you, Jon?"

Clearing his throat, Jon lifting a shaky hand towards the huge neon sign that showed where the restrooms were. "There."

"Thank you.." Joe said softly and winked at him before moving towards the bathrooms.

Jon quickly recovered and moved to go into the back to grab the men's drink orders, trying to compose himself. God, what was it about this man that made him turn to complete mush? He'd been getting some information on him through Renee since the party. The two of them quickly became friends and stayed in contact through text and at times even video chatting since she was back in Georgia now. She could talk endlessly about Joe, knowing a lot about him since apparently he was an open book. Coming back to reality, he balanced the seven drinks on a serving platter as he walked back over to the men, setting the appropriate drinks down on the table. Joe still hadn't returned by that time, but still began to take the orders from the other men. Jon stared at the man who Joe had his arm around longer than he intended to as he took his order. He was young like the rest of him, hair half blond, half black and Jon remembered what Renee said about Joe liking his men blond. He focused on writing down what the handsome man ordered and nodded as he slide the pad into his pocket on his apron, looking around with still no sight of Joe. "I'll return in a bit to see if he has come back."

He went to go put the orders in then stood at the kitchen door, staring out the window to watch for when Joe returned. He didn't want to come back at the same time, seeming too eager, but he didn't want to keep them waiting. Jon was, after all, working no matter what the circumstances were. He frowned after a few minutes that Joe hadn't returned and watched as the two toned man stood and headed over to the bathroom. Grabbing a meal for another table, he left the serving platter where it was and told him boss he was going to take a leak real quick, getting the okay. After giving the meal to the woman sitting by herself at one of the tables, he took off his apron and tucked it behind the counter before going to the bathroom and taking a few breaths before walking inside. He wasn't sure what he was expecting, but he should have had an idea of what he was walking into. As soon as he opened the door, a moan flooded out of one of the stalls followed by a few more and a command to _'stop, slow down, baby. Fuck..'_ It made his stomach turn, but he didn't walk away. Instead, he stepped further into the bathroom, softly closing the door behind him so it wouldn't slam shut. His eyes scanned the stalls and noticed the only occupied one was the handicap stall, his teeth worrying into his lip. He heard more moans and suckling sounds, a loud wet pop, then sloppy kisses.

_'Mm, so sexy, daddy.'_

_'Ssh.. Hurry up. We've been here too long..'_

_'I should leave you just like this. Make you go out there with this boner.'_

_'Do that and I'll never fuck you again.'_

A pout was audibly heard before moans erupted from the stall. _'But, daddy..'_ The 'a' sound was dragged out before a shifting sound was heard, the two toned man probably standing. '_You know I love this dick too much. You can't threaten to never fuck me again..'_

_'Colby, my dick hurts. Please..'_

_'Tell your boy how much you need him.'_

_'So much. Need my baby boy so much, please.'_

_'You're sexy when you beg.'_

_'And you're annoying when you tease. Hurry up, please.'_

A phone chirped and there was a short pause before Colby laughed. _'Robert's asking what's taking us so long._

_'He's a nosy fuck. He knows why.'_

_'Think he wants you to fuck him.'_

_'Been there, done that.'_

_'Dirty boy.'_

_'Look who's speaking, slut. On your knees. Hurry up.'_

_'The more you rush me, the more I tease.'_

_'Colby, please. Damnit, please.'_ Joe moaned.

_'Fine, fine.. But you're making this up to me later. I want two good rounds of fucking.'_

_'Like a cum whore.'_

_'Worst. Treat me like absolute trash.'_

_'Shouldn't bee too hard.'_

Colby laughed. _'Dick.'_

_'Yes, dick. Now suck mine.'_

Jon shook his head and moved to leave the bathroom, tugging at his jeans that became tight around his hardening length. Just what he fucking needed. Just fucking great. He tried his damnest to forget about what the two men in the bathroom were doing and quickly got back to work, thanking God that his shift was almost over so that he could go home for the night.


	4. Rain check

He left before the men finished their food, not wanting to wait around anymore. His boss told him he'd hold the tip for him and sent him home with his check, large bonus added. Stuffing the check into his pocket as he stepped out into the cold Vegas air, he swung his bag onto his back and pulled out a cigarette, hands shaking as he itched for one. It was a bad habit, one he'd been trying to kick since he picked it up at the age of sixteen, but he couldn't. He was afraid that he didn't smoke, he'd end up doing the harder drugs like his junkie parents. The last thing in the world Jon wanted was to become like them. So he smoked, letting the smoke fill his lungs that would one day, no doubt, rot and cause him to spend the better part of the day sitting in a hospital getting chemo and the other half puking his guts out. Long time away, but he hoped, though he doubted it would ever happen, that he could quit beforehand.

Jon looked around as he zipped his leather jacket up more against his chest before he began making his way down the street, his apartment just a few block away. After three minutes of walking, though, someone pulled up beside him, basically driving on the sidewalk and rolled the window down, honking at him. "Hey! Let me give you a ride."

He scoffed, not even needing to squint into the car to know who it was. "No, I'm fine."

"Aw, come on. You're freezing your balls off out there, I know it."

"I said I'm fine. Home's not too far away, anyway."

Joe chuckled, still driving along the edge of the sidewalk as he honked again. "Come on, you're not gonna make me beg, are you?"

He thought about the bathroom, Colby saying how sexy he looked when he begged, and shook his head, turning his head away as he blushed bright red, though he knew Joe couldn't see it that well in the dark. "Won't your boyfriend get angry?"

"Colbs? Please, he's not my boyfriend. Will you get in the car?! You're letting my warm air out."

"You're letting your own warm air out. I already told you I'm alright and I'm literally two feet from my house."

Joe leaned over and pushed the door to his truck open, yelling again. "Hop inside."

Jon stopped and rolled his eyes, turning towards the persistent man as he crossed his arms over his chest. "I don't know you well enough to get in your car, okay? Plus, I like walking. Gives me time to clear my head."

"You have plenty of time to walk when a handsome man isn't offering you a ride."

He tried not to smile. Boy, did Jon try, but his lips curled into a smirk as he looked down at his feet, kicking at the pavement as he sucked his teeth. "You could be a murderer."

"Do I look like a murderer?"

"Looks could be deceiving."

"What do you see when you look at me? What does your gut tell you?"

Jon bit his lip, thoughts of his dreams flooding back into his mind before he looked away and shook his head. "Fine." He finally said and moved to hop into the big truck, closing the door and rolling up the window. "Take the next right then the first left and that's home. Told you I was close."

Joe simply smiled and drove on, taking Jon's directions as they quietly pulled up to his apartment building. It wasn't much, but at least it was better than the dumps Jon lived in most of his life. Jon was surprised when Joe parked and turned off his truck, taking off his seat belt. "What are you doing?"

"Walking you up."

He chuckled and shook his head, pushing a strand of blond hair from his face. "I'm a grown man."

Joe raised an eyebrow as he cocked his head. "I never said you weren't. I would just feel a hell of a lot better if I knew you got into your apartment before I drove off."

"Joseph.."

"Joe."

"Joe.. Look, I don't want to sound rude, but I barely know you and I don't think it's.. uh, appropriate to let you come up and tell you where I live. Can you respect that?"

Joe nodded, biting his lip as he scratched absently at his knee. "Yeah, but.. I'm sure Renee vouched for me more than once, no? So why the hesitation?"

His stomach tightened and his heart felt like it was at his throat. Jon began to sweat, clammy palms gripping his keys tighter. "She.. she t-told you.."

"Not much, but she told me you've been asking about me. I remembered you from the party earlier this month and.. Well, you're cute. And I wouldn't mind getting to know you a little better if given the chance."

"It's three o'clock in the morning."

Joe smiled widely and nodded. "It is, but I was thinking more like dinner or something. If you're available, that is."

Jon swallowed thickly and turned his head to look out the window, huffing softly. _Damnit, Renee._ "I hardly have time off from work and when I do, I don't really want to go out."

"You work at the casino day and night?"

"No, I.. I work at the Boys and Girls' club down the street every morning. The casino at night."

Joe raised his eyebrows and nodded, seemingly impressed. "Well, you are busy then."

"Mm.. And what do you do?"

"I study." He answered, matter of factly. "I take classes at UNLV and then coach football at the high school."

"You live on campus?"

"I do."

"But you don't play anymore."

Joe shook his head, hand again rubbing over his knee. "Had an injury last year that put me on the bench. I became depressed, though no one noticed. That and a few other personal things brought me to Vegas and I've been here ever since. Doctors tell me it's not safe to get back on the field, but I miss it. More than I thought I would, but I'm settling. I'm happy where I am now."

Jon nodded and smiled softly. "What do you study?"

"Management. Hopefully I can own one of these casinos one of these days. Always been a dream of mine."

Jon smiled wider, his eyes turning to look at the clock and noticed it was almost half past three. He sighed and stretched slightly, brushing the hair from his face. "I should, uh.. Go get some sleep. Drive safe, okay..?"

"Not gonna let me walk you up?"

"Not tonight.." Jon replied, biting his lip as he blushed slightly. "I'll see you around, Joe."

Before Jon could get out of the car, Joe stopped him and asked for his number, at least. Jon hesitated, but quickly told him the seven digits and got out of the car, heading into the apartment building and waiting until Joe drove off before taking the elevator up to his floor.

That night, Jon couldn't sleep one bit. He kept staring at his phone, wondering if Joe would call or text and he felt foolish for it, but he couldn't stop. He couldn't stop picking up his phone and checking his messages, thinking he missed something, but he didn't. He finally gave up on trying to sleep and sat up in his bed, brushing his hands over his face, trying to get a grip on himself. His fingers tapped against his bare thighs, absently rubbing circles on his skin as he closed his eyes and let his thoughts run wild, remembering Joe's scent on every surface of his car, remembering the way his fingers curled around his wrist so carefully as he stopped him from leaving the car. Jon found himself laying back in his bed and kicking the covers from his body, along with his underwear. His hands slowly brushed over his stomach and length imagining it was Joe's hands touching him instead of his own. He moaned, back arching as he bend his legs, feet pressing against the plush mattress and spread his legs. Fuck, he was burning, aching, trembling, and quivering, wanting so desperately to feel Joe's fingers fucking his hole. He imagined it, his own fingers inching towards his awaiting entrance, shivering every time air blew against the sensitive area. He imagined Joe's long, thick fingers rimming his hole as he whispered in his ear, long hair tickling Jon's chest. Oh, God, and he moaned as if it was really happening. As if Joe was really touching him in his most intimate places and he barely noticed when he slipped a dry finger inside of himself, pulling out quickly. Groaning, Jon leaned forward to spit on his fingers, not letting go to the image he had of Joe hovering over him naked, intense grey blue eyes staring at his hole as if he wanted to devour him. Finally, the moist finger dipped into his awaiting hole and Jon moaned at the slightly pressure he felt. It wasn't a bad pressure in the least, though, which urged him to continue his actions, fucking himself with one digit before adding a digit. "Oh God, Joe!" He moaned out, turning his head to bit at the pillow case as his strokes became more and more desperate, his free hand wrapping around his hard length to stroke himself.

The loud ring of his cellphone had Jon jumping out of his skin as he sat up and pressed his body against the headboard. He breathed heavily, cussing out and leaning over to see it was a blocked number and decided to ignore it. His body was sticky with sweat, heat hovering over him like a cloud making the air thick. His entrance throbbed and he whined, waiting to be fucked, wanting to feel another man's dick where his fingers had touched. For now, though, all he could do was go take a shower and hope that come morning, he wouldn't feel as desperate as he did now to turn into Colby and wanting to be treated like trash as he was fucked.

The next few hours, Jon still couldn't manage to stay asleep for more than thirty minutes and he was extremely groggy by the time his alarm rang, indicating he needed to get up to go to the club. Frowning, he decided to call in and ask for a day off, knowing that Summer Rae, his manager, wouldn't mind. He hadn't taken a day off since he started almost a year ago so she sounded actually kind of glad that he was taking it easy. She was one of the few people, besides Renee, his boss at the casino, and now Joe, that knew how hard he worked, needing to maintain his life here in Vegas for as long as possible. Giving up on sleep, he went into the living room and caught up on the news around around city before watching some lame day time soap opera as he served the net. Out of curiosity, Jon found himself searching a website about sex toys, clicking the option for 'self pleasure' and his eyes scanned over the dildos they had available. He felt so damn silly, like a wife who'd been married for years and had gotten tired of her husband's dick so she needed something else to scratch the itch that he couldn't maintain. He closed and reopened the tabs many times before finally selecting a few dildos of different sizes, assuring that the name the bank would see was a company not marked 'Sex, sex, and more sex', before purchasing the items and closing his laptop, tossing it to the side and focusing on something other than three to five business days when the package will arrive.


	5. Welcoming December

The days leading into December were uneventful. Joe hadn't called or text Jon once since he dropped him off the morning after Thanksgiving and Renee hadn't heard anything new on the older man. He tried not to let it worry him or feel like he did something to turn off Joe by not letting him walk him up to his apartment. Jon just threw himself back into work and tried to forget everything that transpired between them. There was this new girl at the club, though, that he was really starting to like. Her name was Emma and she came to the states for school from Australia. Her perky attitude made Jon feel uneasy at first because, really, who was that happy all the time, but soon he learned to embrace it. His life was always full of depressing people, except for Summer and Renee, so he found it nice to have someone to look at the positive side to all his negativity.

They were on break while the kids at their lunch and went outside while Jon took small drags from his cigarette, kicking around a balled up piece of paper on the ground. "Why do you smoke?"

Jon cracked a smile and turned to look at Emma, shrugging slightly. "Don't know. I've been smoking since I was sixteen and it just.. kind of stuck. I know, it's disgusting, right?"

"I'm not judging. My mum smoked a lot, though she tried to hide it. But it's the smell of it- Sticks to everything."

He nodded. "Usually why I smoke outside then wash up afterwards. I don't want anyone to look at me any different because I enjoy a cigarette on my down time."

Emma smiled and looked down, her fingers brushing over Jon's shyly. "Do you have any plans for your birthday?"

Jon's eyes widened as he turned to look at Emma, blowing the smoke from his mouth away and swatting at the air. "How'd you know my birthday was coming up?"

"Summer Rae might have let it slip."

He chuckled. "Woman can't keep a secret."

Emma laughed, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear. "Do you not enjoy your birthday?"

He shrugged, taking another drag and looking out nowhere in particular. "I never really celebrated it, honestly. My parents weren't, uh.. They weren't big fans of celebrating much of anything. Kind of like Jehovah Witness, but not really." He cleared his throat, remembering most birthdays were either spent alone or listening to whistles and cat calls from the dirty men his parents brought home as he walked around the house. "It's no big deal, really. It's just another year older. What about you?"

"I've always had parties and stuff. The family would come out and we'll have a big barbecue or something." She shrugged less than enthusiastically, but Jon knew it was just to spare his feelings. "We should do something, though. Maybe.. go out or something."

"I'm probably working at the casino, but maybe. I'll let you know."

Emma smiled and covered her hand over Jon's, holding onto it. He didn't move his hand, not wanting to appear rude. And plus, it wasn't completely horrible, feeling her warm hand over his. He missed contact, missed the warmth of another's body flushed against him. It's been a while since he allowed himself to indulge in the women who threw themselves at him at the casino and he couldn't quite place why. Maybe it was Joe, maybe he just needed to give it rest- He didn't know. But it felt nice nonetheless; her hand over his.

At the casinos, he often found himself looking around, expecting to see Joe walking around or watching him waiting for their eyes to meet. He was looking at his phone every so often and his heart would sink each time that he didn't see a message from the other man. Why did it bother him so much that Joe hadn't called or text? It wasn't like they were dating. He frowned, thinking of Colby, remembering that time in the bathroom where he stood listening to them. Jon couldn't help but wonder the extent of their relationship but he never asked Renee and she didn't offer any information on the two toned man. He figured that it wold be for the best if he forget about the Samoan and moved on with his life. Maybe he'll try dating Emma since she seemed to like him so much. But he sucked at relationships- Or rather, he never been in one so he assumed he would. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt anyone because of his lack of experience.

For some reason, Jon was extra exhausted when he got home that night, stripping out of his clothes and sliding into bed, but he couldn't fall asleep. He stared at his alarm clock as the minutes ticked by and frowned, sadness slowly creeping up on him and settling in the pit of his stomach. He wrapped the covers around him tighter and sighed, his eyes looking at the box he discarded on the floor in the corner of his room a few days ago. The package he ordered arrived within four days after he ordered it, but he still hadn't brought himself to open it. For some reason, it made him feel even more ashamed thinking of even using a dildo to pleasure himself. Jon knew it was normal, that millions of people used them, but he wasn't those people. He was only him and to him, it was embarrassing even if no one would know. He would and that was enough. He turned around in the bed, facing towards the patio doors and closed his eyes, sleep consuming him within minutes, making him miss the call he'd been waiting for.

The next morning, he was running late and didn't have time to check his phone as he hopped in the shower for a quick wash, throwing his phone in his pocket, grabbing a protein bar, and leaving his house. He had to run to the club, getting there in the nick of time to clock in before he was late. Jon knew it was ridiculous to rush, since Summer wouldn't mind that he was a few minutes late, but he didn't want to get any special treatment just because he was the ideal employee. Emma and him had lunch that afternoon and he finally had a moment to check his phone, wondering who the call was from, but not wanting to be rude so he store hie phone back into his pocket, making a mental note to call later. They talked mostly about Emma's childhood during their break and Jon avoided talking if he could help it since his childhood wasn't as colorful. She didn't seem to mind, though, flirting as she nibbled off Jon's fruit salad and fed him some of her Caesar salad. He blushed and she pinched at his cheeks, telling Jon that he looked adorable with color on his face. He asked her what she was doing Friday night, thinking he could take off work from the casino and taking her out on a real date. Emma seemed so excited as if it was the first time she'd ever been asked out and told them that she wasn't doing anything if he wanted to hang out. They agreed on going to the strip and having dinner at a nice Italian restaurant there before they had to go back inside to work.

He'd forgotten about the phone call he needed to return until later that night and finally decided to hide away in the corner of the casino and call back. His stomach tightening, thinking and hoping that Joe answered, but that didn't happen. He knew the voice that answered and it made Jon's heart beat against his chest hard, wanting to hang up but he was froze, like the phone was glued to his face.

"Yeah, hello?! Who is this?"

"Uh.. I'm, uh.. Jonathan. Is.. Is this J-Joe's phone?"

Colby was quiet for a few minutes. "Yeah, hold on."

"No, no.. I just.. He called and I was calling back, but if he's busy-"

"He's right here."

Before Jon could speak again, Joe's voice came through the reciever, as silky and deep as Jon remembered it. "Jon?"

"Hi.. Hey, um.. Sorry, I didn't know you were.. occupied." Why was he apologizing? It was Joe who took so long to even call him so he had nothing to be sorry for.

"It's fine. What's up?"

"I was just.. returning your call. Listen, I'm at work so-"

"You busy tomorrow?"

Jon frowned. "I'm always busy."

"Right. Working day and night. Well, I'm sorry it took me so long to call. Got wrapped up in some things-"

"You don't need to explain."

"-Had to go to Florida to take care of some family business," He continued, voice hushed. "And I wanna make it up to you. For making you wait so long, you know?"

"It's really fine, Joe. I get it. I really have to go."

"When can I see you?"

"I.. don't know. Bye." Jon hung up the phone suddenly and closed his eyes, pressing his forehead against the wall and composing himself. He needed to put Joe out of his mind again and make it through this shift, at least, before trying to wrap his mind around the mystery of this man.

Friday came quicker than he anticipated it would and he woke up in a nervous fit, sweating from head to toe. His first date and he had no idea what he was going to say, do, or wear. He felt like such a girl, like those girls on day time TV he watched that one time. His stomach turned and tightened as if he was going to be sick, but he managed to get up and out of the house in time to make it to work. Coincidentally, Emma had an appointment that day so she wasn't going to make it to work. They talked on the phone and agreed to meet on the strip at five in the afternoon, giving Jon enough time to go home after work to change since he decided the clothes he picked out weren't good enough for a date. Work went unbearably slow, but finally three o'clock came around and he raced home, intending to take a call a cab, take a shower and change while he waited, and be at the strip early so that he wouldn't keep Emma waiting.  
But that didn't happen. The knock to the door seconds after he walked into his apartment startled him as he hung up the phone and set it on the counter. He walked over and pulled the door open, his breath getting caught in his throat as he saw Joe standing there, smiling that smile that made Jon weak to his knees with his hands in his pockets. God, what was he doing here? How did he even know where he lived? He could speak, he could barely breath, his heart beating hard against his chest.

"May I come in?"


	6. Forgive and forget

"No." Jon said softly, his voice so low he barely recognized it was him speaking. His fingers curled around the door tightly as his stomach did a million flips at once.

Joe smiled and looked down, licking at his lips as he looked up at Jon through his eyelashes. "Why not?" He asked and interjected before Jon could answer. "And don't you dare say it's because you don't know me."

Jon coughed and shook his head, looking around his messy apartment. He hadn't had time to clean it and it was a mess. He could use that as his excuse. "I'm not exactly set up for guests."

"Jon, I lived with three other roommates while I was in college at Georgia Tech. You think we kept our place nice and shiny? Come on, let me in."

"No." He said again.

"You're gonna make me beg."

_"You're sexy when you beg_." Jon heard the voice in his head, as if he was standing in the bathroom listening to Joe and Colby fooling around yesterday. "Joe, I.."

"All I want is two minutes.

"How do you even know where I live?"

"I saw you running in here like a mad man and followed you. Are you gonna let me in?"

"You're a stalker."

Joe laughed and shook his head. "Look, I came over in hopes of catching you between shifts. I parked and I was on the verge of calling you, but then I saw you jetting in here so I decided to just come up and surprise you. I'm sorry if that makes me a stalker, but it honestly wasn't my intention. I just want to talk to you for a minute. I know you're busy so it'll be quick."

He wanted to ask about Colby. He wanted to accuse the other man of cheating, but he hadn't done anything that constituted cheating. He was just here, in his house, looking damn beautiful in those jeans that hugged him in all the right places and a red sweater that clung to his biceps like a jealous lover. Jon swallowed thickly, his throat dry. "I'm busy.."

"I know. Which is why I said I'll be quick. Come on, Jon. Please.."

Jon sighed and finally stepped aside to let Joe enter, holding his breath so he wouldn't catch the scent of the older man's cologne. He didn't need it assaulting his senses right now. He didn't need any of this right now. Joe looked around nosily, walking into the kitchen, around the living room, and poking his head into the bedroom, but not going inside. He turned and looked at Jon, smiling softly. "Nice place."

"Thank you. Do you want something to drink?"

"I'm alright, thanks. May I sit?"

Jon simply nodded, sitting on the recliner, leaving Joe to sit on the couch. He decided to sit as close to Jon as possible, though, long legs stretching in front of him, shin bumping into Jon's own purposely. He shifted, tugged his legs in, and cleared his through. "So.. What do you want to talk about?"

Joe chuckled and shook his head, biting his lip. "You're really horrible at this."

"At what?"

"This. Talking. You come off as impatient and rude."

"I have.. somewhere to be so yeah, I'm a bit impatient."

"Don't let me stop you."

"You're in my house. You just begged to let me let you come in."

"And you said yes so you're obviously not in a hurry."

Jon took a deep breath, looking down at the carpeted floor before blue eyes settled on Joe's face. "What do you want to talk about?"

"I'm sorry I didn't call sooner," Joe said sincerely, leaning back in the couch and rubbing a hand over his knee, probably the injured one, Jon thought. "I know it makes me seem rude and unreliable, but if I had any idea that I wasn't going to be able to call, I wouldn't have promised you I would."

"What happened?"

Joe bit his lip, his eyes hooded slightly. "My Dad's pretty sick. I had to go to Florida cause he ended up in the hospital. We know his days are limited."

Suddenly Jon felt really bad, his face turning sympathetic. "I'm so sorry.."

"Don't be. He lived a long life." Joe spoke, but the sadness in his voice was so evident. "He's been sick a long time so I think that it would be okay if he let go. I just want him to be in peace, you know?"

Jon nodded even though he didn't know. He didn't know how hard it would be to lose someone you cared about so much because he never had that. Slowly, he was gaining friends he cared a lot about, but it was nothing to the caliber in which he was sure Joe felt for his father. "Will you be visiting him more often?"

"He's requested I don't, but I'll try to go out every couple of months. He doesn't want me living my life around his dying schedule, he says."

Jon bit his lip, fingers fidgeting. "I'm sorry."

Joe smiled sincerely, reaching over to put a large hand over Jon's. "I just wanted you to know that I wasn't ignoring you. You're something else, Jonathan, and I wanna get to know you."

"..Why?"

"Because, you intrigue me."

Jon frowned. "In what way? I'm the most boring person in the world."

Joe cackled, shaking his head. "No, I've met boring people. The ones that their face tells you they don't have a story to tell. You, though. You have a story to tell. I see it in your eyes, the sadness they hold."

Jon lowered his gaze, his breathing picking up slightly. "I don't.. um. There's no story."

Joe's hand lifted, his fingers brushing against Jon's cheeks lightly before running through the short blond hair and finishing off by the buds tickling the side of his neck. Jon closed his eyes and bit inside of his cheek to keep himself from moaning. God, how many times had he thought about Joe touching him? None compared to the actual warm fingers against his skin, the way goosebumps rose instantly. "I can tell there is," He spoke softly, no boom in his voice. "I can tell there's something inside of you that you're scared to let go and my selfish nature wants to know what that something is."

"Will you think of me differently if you knew?"

"There's nothing you can say that will make me think differently of you."

"How could you know that?"

"Because I know a broken boy when I see one."

Jon held back tears as he lifted his eyes to Joe again, eyebrows furrowed. "Are you a broken boy?"

A sad smile spread over Joe's lips as he nodded, but didn't say the actual word. Instead he leaned forward slowly, pressing his lips against the corner of Jon's mouth, kissing him sweetly. "You're busy.."

"Not anymore."

"May I stay?"

"Please.." Jon lifted a hand and place it against Joe's neck as he turned and kissed him softly, their lips meshing with each other perfectly and a low moan rumbled from deep within him. He lost all train of thought, didn't notice Joe pull him to the other couch on top of him, legs straddling the other man's waist. All he could focus on was Joe's lips, his long, warm, wet tongue sliding into his warm cave and caressing the recesses of his mouth. Jon couldn't stop moaning, his fingers clinging desperately to Joe's red sweater as they kissed slowly, without rush, letting themselves get to know each other intimately. Joe's hands respectively stayed on his hips, rubbing over his white t-shirt slowly, causing it to rise as he shivered when he felt the wind tickle the small of his back. Jon whimpered when Joe's lips detached from his and began a trail down his neck, placing a kiss on every single inch that he could reach. His head lolled back and he moaned into the air, not hearing the buzzing on his phone that he never put back on loud against the kitchen counter. His jeans began to feel tight around his midsection, length pressing against the fabric and throbbed hard, as if begging to be released. He wondered if Joe was hard, too. If Joe felt the passion, the chemistry, the need that Jon felt. He tried not to think about Colby, but his face passed through his mind a few times. Was Joe cheating? Was Colby his boyfriend or were they just fucking? A moan interrupted his thoughts, a shiver rolling down his spine and continued on until it settled at his toes that curled as Joe's tongue side over the exposed skin on his chest. "Oh, Joe.." He moaned and leaned down to capture the older man's lips again, feeling as if he could kiss him forever.

That was it. Joe's hooks were in him now and he didn't have to do much to reel Jon in and completely capture his heart.


	7. Birthday boy

It took him days to get Emma to forgive him for standing her up at the strip that Friday. She was angry, so much so that she refused to speak to Jon at work or return his phones calls. He felt like she deserved the truth so he wrote it all down on a piece of paper, the fact that he really did like her but it was complicated because he was dealing with that fact that he recently discovered he was also into men. He hoped that she read it, but also hoped that she didn't because beside Renee and Joe, no one else knew. Not another soul on Earth. Slipping the piece of paper in her locker at the end of the shift, he threw his bag over his shoulder and walked out of the club, smiling when he saw Joe's truck waiting for him in front of the building. Finishing the keys out of his pocket and unlocking the doors, he threw his bag on the passenger's side and hopped in, turning it on and pulled out of the parking space, heading to the casino.

He wasn't sure what him and Joe were, but he did know that he enjoyed spending time with the older man. Though they didn't see each other much, Joe was kind enough to let Jon borrow his truck until he had enough money to buy himself a used car he'd been eyeing. He didn't like the fact that Jon was walking around at night in the cold so he figured it was the least he could do to make sure he didn't get sick or worse, though he didn't mention his thoughts on the worst part. Joe would come over ever other night or so, his motorcycle roaring downstairs letting Jon know that he'd arrived, and his stomach never stopped doing flips until the older man was in his house, their lips pressed up against each other. He felt so.. at home in Joe's arms, like they were the most familiar thing he'd ever felt. They never became official, though, wanting to take it 'slow.' Jon admitted to Joe that he was a virgin, with a man that is, after he found the box of unused dildos in the back of his closet. He teased Jon about them, but it was all in good fun and he promised that they'll use them one day. Jon let the conversation drop because his face was burning hot in embarrassment and Joe simply kissed the red cheeks. On the nights that they weren't together, they would text all night while Jon at work until he was home and asleep and he would wake up to a text from Joe every morning. It felt amazing to feel wanted for once in his life and by a man who looked and acted like Joe, a real modern prince charming. It was too good to be true- And in many ways, it was, but Jon wouldn't figure that out until much, much later.

It was his birthday and all was right in the world. Emma had forgiven him the day prior, swearing not having done so just because it was his birthday soon, but because she missed him. She ripped up the letter, though, so Jon had to come clean to her face to face and was relieved when the woman understand. She wasn't angry with him anymore, she just wanted her friend back. Emma, Summer, and the kids at the club all pitched in to buy him a huge cake and sung happy birthday as they celebrated with a small party by the pool. The kids had a great time and that's really all Jon cared about, still not feeling like celebrating the day that always felt like just another day to him his whole life. Jon stayed at the club a little longer than he intended but left in time for his shift at the casino, surprised when banners and balloons were spread across the large establishment and everyone inside, though he didn't know half the people, yelled 'happy birthday, Jon!' when he walked inside. He teared up, but held it in as he thanked everyone and quickly escaped to the bathroom before the floodgates began. He was super emotional because he'd never had this before in his life and for all these people to wish him a happy birthday meant so much to him. His parents would cross his mind throughout the day and he knew that they wouldn't call, but he didn't give up hope. He wanted, for once, for his Mom or Dad to call him up, ask how he was doing, wish him a happy birthday or just apologize for being shit parents. It was all he really needed, but it was never going to happen. That much, he knew. His boss gave him a light work load, his coworkers agreeing to work extra shifts so that he wouldn't have to work the heavy load on his birthday. In honor of Jon turning twenty three, it was half price drink day at the bar and it was flooded with people. Everyone toasted to him and had a grand old time as he sat back and watched everyone enjoying themselves. It was great- Truly an amazing birthday.

When he got home, Joe was there, the house lit up with candles and rose petals, soft music playing from a radio he didn't have but assumed Joe bought. "Happy birthday, babe."

Jon's face almost cracked from how wide he smiled as he walked up to Joe and hugged him tight, kissing him softly then taking a champagne glass that was handed to him. They toasted to his first real birthday, kissed, and tossed back the champagne, setting the glasses aside. Joe grabbed Jon's hand and lead him to the bedroom which was completely decorated, new sheets, a few extra pieces that Joe bought him, and curtains that covered the patio door. His eyes watered, but he blinked back the tears as he hugged Joe and they swayed slowly to the music filling the apartment. Joe asked if he could make love to Jon, but he still wasn't ready. He was too afraid to take that next step, too afraid to dive in head first and end up getting hurt and dropped on his ass when Joe got what he wanted and walked away. Though he didn't tell his fears to the older man, he told him that maybe they should wait a little more. He assured Joe that he didn't want to appear a tease, but that he wanted to make sure it was the right time, that it felt right when he finally gave Joe that piece of him.

They undressed, though, and laid on bed, Joe's hands brushing over every inch of Jon's heated skin. It felt as if his dreams were coming true, to have this man near him, touching him. Oh, and he wanted to give in so damn bad. He wanted Joe to make love to him, to show him what it felt like to be taken to cloud nine, to feel the cum surge inside of him, he the words couldn't spill from his lips. He couldn't say it, someone, and invisible force holding him back from doing so. Still, he let his body be Joe's canvas and he painted a beautiful picture on his skin. He'd spill champagne on Jon's chest and lick it off, slowly and teasingly, the tip of his tongue leaving trails of goosebumps on Jon's body. He'd let his fingers slide over Jonathan's length, tracing the shaft, gliding his thumb nail along through throbbing vein and Jon would moan. He was close his eyes and moan as his back arched off the bed, feeling Joe's eyes on him the whole time. Finally, Joe shifted off the bed, his naked form walking over to the closet and pulled out the box of untouched dildos, pulling out the smallest one- a six inch blue dildo. Jon swallowed thickly but nodded as Joe walked over to him again, grabbing the bottle of lube from the nightstand and sliding in between his legs. He leaned over, kissing Jon's length softly then his thighs, commanding him to bend his knees and spread his legs. Jon obliged. He let the dildo press against Jon's entrance, rimming the hole with the tip of it, and Jon felt as if he lost his mind. His long hair clung to his face, the sweat making his body feel hot and stick, toes curling into the mattress as he moaned Joe's name over and over again. Joe applied the lube to the dildo and Jon watched through hooded eyes as he spread it around evenly, his fingers so skilled as they scissored the toy before the digits were at his entrance, spreading the remaining liquid against his core. His fingers dug into the mattress as he moaned desperately, begging for Joe to stop teasing him, begging for him to fuck his hole.

Jon wanted it so much to be Joe's length filling him, needed so much that skin to skin contact, but that fear still gripped at his heart and as long as it was there, he couldn't allow himself to move forward with the man. So he spread his legs and welcomed the feeling of the dildo sliding into his tightness, walls stretching and whimpering as they were penetrated for the first time. He cried out to God, cried out to Joe, reaching down to grab the older man's wrist and begged for him to stop, to just let the dildo stretch him out before he advanced further. Oh God, the pleasure was too much for him. He expected pain, a pitch or two even, but he didn't. Pure pleasure, the kind that you felt through every inch of your body, the kind that clung to every nerve ending, the kind that made your head swim, your eyes roll to the back of your head. He didn't expect this. Jon didn't expect it to feel so good and he wondered if he would ever he able to handle having Joe inside of him if this was his experience with a dildo. His fingers slowly loosened from around Joe's wrists and he steadied his breathing, eyes closed as he settled his head back against the pillows. Jon sighed when he felt Joe's lips against his stomach, moving the dildo further inside of him at a crawling pace and he thought it would take forever before the whole thing was lost in him. It only took but a few minutes, though, Joe's mouth sucking on the tip of his length, making his senses go array and the moans mixed in with the slow R&B that filled the house. The dildo descended fully within him, walls clinging to it like clothes sticking to skin on a hot summer day, Joe pulled the toy out and sliding it back in at a decent pace until he heard the beg from Jon's mouth to go faster.

Jon didn't last long and it almost embarrassed him by how quickly he came. Joe didn't seem to mind, though, as he licked every drop of his cum from Jon's stomach and shaft before leaning up to kiss him, deeply and passionately. The blond blushed when he noticed Joe was still hard as a rock and offered to take care of him, switching positions and laying against his side as he began to stroke the older man's massive length. Laying his head on Joe's chest, listening to his quickening pulse, he teased him, slowing his hand down then speeding up, letting his fingers crawl up Joe's shift, sliding the bud of his index finger across the slit of him, twirling the sticky precum over the thick head before continuing to stroke him. He looked up at Joe when he announced he was going to cum, hips bucking, hands clinging to Jon as he arched off the bed and came hard, cum spewing out of him and covering Jon's hand. Cussing softly, he came down from the high of his release and kissed Jon softly, peaking his lips before reaching down to lift his hand up to his mouth and they both cleared the cum from Jon's skin. It was a beautiful ending to a long day- Truly Jon's best birthday ever.


	8. Another heartbreak

"How come we're not official yet?"

Joe stirred in his sleep, arm tightening around Jon as he mumbled. "What?"

"How come we're not official yet? It's been almost two months," Jon thought for a minute and nodded, kissing Joe's chest. "Almost two months and you haven't asked me to be your boyfriend yet."

Joe smiled and cracked open one eye to look down at the blond. "It's five in the morning, babe."

Jon frowned and sat up, his hand on Joe's chest. "I know, but I'm asking you a serious question. It's already February, Joe, and you haven't asked me to be your boyfriend. We never go out on public, you haven't introduced me to any of your friends. Who exactly am I to you?"

Joe sighed, his sleepiness now gone as he sat up and leaned back against the headboard, one hand rubbing up Jon's arm. "We talked about this."

"No, we haven't. Look, I know it's stupid, but Valentine's day is coming up and I've never had a Valentine before. I just thought.. I don't know, I thought it would be nice if we could be official and.. do something nice outside of this crap hole apartment."

"Your place is not that bad."

"Joe! Stop avoiding the subject here."

Joe groaned and rubbed a hand over his tired face. "Listen, babe. I don't do too well with commitments, okay? I break everything I touch and I don't want to break you. I want you to be able to do what you wanna do and I'll do what I wanna do, but I wanna do things with you, too. Can't that be enough?"

Jon frowned, pushing the blond hair away from his eyes. "Are you fucking someone else?"

"Jon.."

"Are you _fucking_ someone else?" When Joe didn't answer, Jon got up from the bed and went into the bathroom, slamming the door behind him. He knew it. He knew Joe was still fucking Colby behind his back, getting his dick wet somewhere else because Jon still wouldn't give it up to him. God, he felt so stupid. So stupid to actually believe that a guy could keep his dick in his pants long enough to wait for someone he claimed to care about. Shaking his head, he opened his medicine cabinet and searched for some pain killers, popping one in his mouth before putting them away. "Fucking asshole," He mumbled to himself before walking out of the bathroom and looking straight at Joe. "I want you to go."

"Jon, please. Can we just talk about this?"

"Now you want to fucking talk?!"

"I was going to tell you! I just needed to find the right time."

"Don't you think the right time would've been, I don't know, a whole fucking month ago? Or before each time I got naked and let you fuck me with dildos?! You could have told me it wasn't enough for you, Joe. You could have told me I wasn't enough. I would've understood."

"That's not even it." Joe groaned and got up, walking over to Jon. "Look, I don't need to fuck you to want to be with you. I'm here because I want to be, but Colby's not the reason I'm not committing to you because I haven't committed to him either. It's just.. I'm not a relationship kind of guy. Not anymore, at least. My last relationship ended real badly, broke my damn heart in pieces, and ever since then I vowed to never fall in love again. You're making that impossible, but if I take that extra step with you, I feel like I'll lose myself again. I'm already doing so much to be able to be here with you most of my free time so why can't that be enough?"

Jon frowned and shook his head, arms crossed over his head. "Because you're sticking your dick in another man. The same dick that I love to stroke and put in my mouth, that I love to admire, that I would love to be fucking me. It's not fair for you to do this. You don't see me going around letting other guys touch me."

"Jon.." Jon waved him off and walked back over to the bed, climbing under the covers and staring blankly at the wall. Joe sighed and walked over to the younger man, sitting on the edge of the bed and leaning forward to kiss his forehead. "I'm sorry I can't be what you need me to be, but I can be anyone else. A lover, a friend if you that's what you want. I care about you, Jon.. A hell of a lot and I just hope.. that you can understand why I can't. I'll leave you alone." He whispered against Jon's ear before kissing his neck softly, not noticing the tears falling from the blond's eyes.

Since his birthday, things grew a bit more serious between the two of them. They were spending a lot of time together, Joe even bringing a few things with him to keep at Jon's house. He had his own drawer and Jon thought it was so fucking cheesy yet it made him happy. They still avoided the subject of becoming a couple and when Jon found out that Joe was still sleeping with Colby, he felt as if he was stabbed right through the heart. He had no right to be angry, though, cause he knew they weren't an official couple and Joe made sure of that. He was a man who loved to have his cake and eat it, too, and Jon wanted Joe to love him, desperately. So he stayed. Like the dumb little unloved child that he was, he stayed with Joe and tried to forget about the fact that he was sleeping with Colby. He tried to please him enough to keep him interested and Joe noticed. He noticed how much more he was allowing Joe to do, grinding on him, pretending to be riding him, or rubbing his ass over his dick. Sometimes Jon would wake up Joe in the middle of the night giving him a blow job. Sometimes he'd put on shows, fingering himself, legs eagle spread as Joe watched. Joe tried to explain to Jon over and over that he needed to do the extra stuff, that he will still be interested in him even if they never touched again, but Jon didn't listen. What man in the year 2013 would stay with someone who wasn't willing to have sex with them? He was terrified of losing the only person who he came to care a hell of a lot for and could possibly even grow to love. He told himself he'd do anything within his limit to keep Joe interested in him. Anything.

And that included intercourse, but Joe wouldn't budge. He kept asking and asking if Jon was ready, pushing him to say what he really felt which was no. And it frustrated him to no end because he really wished he could just get over his fear and let Joe fuck him. Just get it over with and see where it went from there. But he never had the occasion and it made him terribly depressed leaving him thinking that he wasn't good enough for Joe and that that was why he fucked Colby instead. But Jon wasn't going to lay around moping forever. He was going to move on with his life, continue to be just another man in Joe's life because having him like that was better than not having him at all.

On Valentine's day, his cellphone chirped on the nightstand and he scrounged his eyebrows, not remembering resetting his messaging tone. But quickly realized that it was Joe's phone instead and reached over to grab the black iPhone and unlock it with a simple slide on the touch screen.

_'Text from Babe: Happy anniversary, my love! I hope that you're on your way home because I have a surprise for you, mm. Yes, I do, daddy. I love you so damn much. Come to me, please. Miss you.'_

Jon's stomach turned as he read over the text again and again, seeing the contact picture of him kissing the two toned man named Colby. Tears stinging his eyes, he flipped through to see his own contact picture, but it was blank, a simple standard grey box in it's place. His fingers moved frantically to look at Joe's gallery, remembering all the flashes of his phone as they took pictures together or took pictures of Jon when he thought he was looking, but he couldn't find one picture. He didn't see any indication on his phone of them ever even having a relationship other than Jon's number saved in his contact list. His messaging thread was gone, too. The hundreds of messages they sent to each other these last two months non-existent on Joe's end.

He forced himself not to cry. Forced himself to keep his emotions down as he got up from the bed and walked over to the bathroom to take a shower. His heart was beating so fast in his chest as thoughts of Joe's sweet words filled his mind, but they were all lies. All of them, from the fact that Joe was falling for him to when he told him that he couldn't commit to anyone, it was all a fucking lie. He wanted to be angry, he wanted to scream, break Joe's phone, but he couldn't. He couldn't because he was the one who believed the lie. He was the one who imagined that Joe could love him one day, that Joe could be faithful to him, that Joe and him could one day have a future together.

Without thought, Jon hopped in the truck, Joe's phone in tow as he drove off towards the older man's house. He wasn't sure what he was expecting, an explanation or something, he didn't know. All he knew was that he needed to see for himself what Joe was doing when he wasn't over at Jon's place. Never had he ventured towards Joe's place, never even asked how his apartment on campus was. Not a single question and it made him naive. It set him up for this because he never asked the right questions from a man he knew nothing about. Looking through Joe's phone, he found his home address and looked it up in the GPS, reaching it in less than ten minutes. It wasn't an apartment on campus, but a house. A beautiful white two story home with a balcony, planted flowers, even a fucking white picket fence. Two small dogs ran around the patio, barking at each other as they played. Jon couldn't see inside, but he looked down to make sure that it was the right address before stepping out of the car and walking up the short path to the front door.

Jon ran the doorbell two times, waiting a minute before the door was opened, Joe standing there in a towel with his hair pulled back into a bun. "Jon.." He was surprised, grey blue eyes wide and dark. "What.."

"Who is it, babe?" Colby asked, appearing beside him wearing nothing but shorts, his perfect chiseled body glistening from the obvious shower they had just taken.

"It's.. uh, J-Jon. From Miller's casino."

"Miller's place? We haven't been there in months." Colby stated, leaning against Joe as he reached his hand out. "Hey, I'm Colby Lopez."

Jon blinked back tears and nodded, reaching forward politely and shaking Colby's hand. "Very nice to meet you." He said softly before handing Joe his phone and keys. "You, uh.. Left these at the casino last night."

"You were there last night, babe?"

Joe finally tore his gaze from Jon to look at Colby. "Yeah. Babe, will you go get my wallet? I wanna give.. Uh, Jon something for coming all this way." Nodding with a smile, Colby moved to go back in the house. Joe made sure he was out of earshot before speaking again. "Jon, let me explain."

"Don't. Honestly, just.. Don't. I don't wanna hear anything from you again. Don't call me, don't text me. It's done."

"Jon.."

"No!" He said sharply, turning away as Colby returned with Joe's wallet.

Joe pulled out a few bills and reached over to hand them to Jon, fingers lingering around his longer than intended. "Thank you for coming all this way."

Nodding, but not saying a word, not trusting his voice, Jon quickly turned and walked away from the house, holding his stomach and willing himself not to cry. He walked and he walked and he walked until he couldn't anymore. Until he finally slumped against a building and cried, let every emotion he mustered up out, and blamed himself for acting like a stupid teenager by trusting Joe so easily in such a short amount of time.


	9. a broken boy

Valentine's day. What a fucking joke. Jon thought that it could be the day where he finally opened up to Joe, where they finally could make love and stay up all night talking about silly shit like they normally do. He thought he could do something nice for the man, possibly even admit his feelings and ask if they could go 'steady', a much less scarier word for Joe who had_ such commitment issues_. Jon laughed bitterly to himself as he continued to pace his room, back and forth, back and forth, burning a hole in the floor. Oh, how he wished he could strangle the man! Or Colby, even, his fucking smug face haunting Jon's dreams. His hand still itched where the other man had touched it, no matter how many times he washed it. That filth. God! He hated them so fucking much. He hoped they were happy, in their fucking stupid perfect little house, with their ugly puppies, and dumb white picket fence. He wanted to burn the whole shit to the ground, then what would they do? Go live in a fucking hole for all he cared. "Fuck you!" Jon yelled as he tossed random items against the wall, stripping the bed from the new sheets Joe had bought for his birthday and stomping all over them. He continued mumbling to himself, angry, hurt, embarrassed, walking over to the kitchen to grab the bottle of ketchup, going back to the bedroom to squirt the red liquid on the clean sheets. He loved those sheets. Joe's scent on every single thread. But it hurt too much to even smell him right now. He needed to get rid of the older man's memory, though he knew it was going to be near impossible to do.

_'Text from Joe: Can we talk?_

_Text from Joe: Please, Jon. I really want to explain this to you. Just give me a chance._

_Text from Joe: I'm sorry. I miss you. Please, don't shut me out.'_

The fucking nerve of this guy. The fucking nerve! He actually thought that sweet talking was going to get Jon to forgive him. Did he seem that Goddamn easy? He wanted to march over there and give the Samoan a piece of his mind. He wanted to punch, kick, slap, and kiss Joe all at the same time. "FUCK YOU!" He yelled even louder as the tears clouded his vision now, body stumbling to the ground as he held his chest. It felt like it was burning, like something was scratching and clawing to escape from within him. Jon cried so hard that night. Sobbed, dry heaved, willed himself to stop crying, but ended up having another break down, crawling to a corner and staining the walls with his tears. He was a mess by the time he stopped and went into the bathroom, getting his happy pills from the medicine cabinet and popping two in his mouth, waiting a few seconds before taking another one. Pain medicine was for physical pain, but he was using it for the kind of pain he knew wouldn't heal on his own. He knew no medicine would heal that pain, but still he let the white capsules slide down his throat, one by one, hoping that one day the effect would kick in and the pain would stop.

He got back into his normal routine once he went back to work a few days after Valentine's day. He'd gotten a car back in January that was still in great working condition when he began using it again since he gave Joe his truck back. Jon changed his number in hopes that it would help him get over the older man, but it only made him want to talk to him more. The seven digits, the direct line to Joe, was etched in his mind forever and he itched to call, wanting to hear his voice, but he didn't. And he was proud of the fact that he didn't. Emma and him had gotten a little closer since they first met and he even made up for abandoning their date back in December by taking her on another one which went great. Jon found himself liking her more and more, but he knew that jumping back into another relationship, or lack there of, wasn't the right thing to do at the moment. Emma understood, though Jon never fully told her what happened to make him feel like that. He never talked about it to anyone. How could he? He felt too embarrassed.

Jon half expected Joe to be waiting for him at his doorstep when he returned home from work everyday, but he wasn't. As the days dragged on, things became more silent. Renee stop giving him messages from Joe asking to call him and there were no more emails in his inbox from the older man. He knew Joe had moved on, but what more did he expect? He had Colby, a life that was so much better than sitting around with Jon talking about stupid TV shows they watched. Jon was a fool to believe anyone could fall for such a mundane and sad man like him.

Things took a turn one Sunday afternoon, a knock coming to the door. He got his hopes up. Jon thought Joe finally came to tell him that he left Colby for him, but that didn't happen and he shouldn't have been surprised. What did happen, though, was his parents. They stood on his door step, hand in hand, looking vibrant and well. Surprisingly, considering they'd been drug addicts their whole lives. Jon was over the moon, asking how they found him and they explained the process they took in order to find out where he lived and came to surprise him. They apologized time and time again for missing his birthday and Jon waved them off, too happy to have his parents there to care about anything else. His heart was swollen by how much they seemed to care when they never had before. He ordered Chinese food for the three of them and they caught up as they ate their meal. Jon listened as they told them of his father's near death experienced and said that's when they realized they needed to turn their life around. They found God, went to rehab, got clean, and decided to made amends with everyone they'd wronged over the years, starting with Jon.

He offered for them to stay the night at his place instead of the hotel where they were booked. They accepted and he made up the couch bed for them with the, now cleaned, sheets that Joe had bought him in December. His mother even kissed his cheek and it made Jon's eyes well up with tears. He had his parents now and that made everything so much better. He felt like he could finally start moving on with his life now, a new life where he was loved.

But again, he trusted too easily. Jon wanted so much to believe that his parents were actually the good guys, that they actually cared, but he misguided their judgement. When he returned home from the casino early one morning, they were gone. The house was completely trashed, all his electronics gone, windows broken, food tossed about the kitchen. His house was a complete mess, a mirrored image of the kind of places he grew up in. Never clean, smelling like something died in there, cold. Jon was broken, so broken once again when he'd believed that he was finally being put back together. Every time something good happened to him, it ended being so bad and he wished that it was the last of it. He never wanted to experience pain like this again, but life had a sick way of making reality seem like hell if you got too comfortable. Fortunately for him, it'll be a long time before he felt pain like this again, though history always had a way of repeating itself.


	10. I love you

"Jon? Oh, God, Jon are you okay?"

He hadn't moved since he returned home, six hours later still sitting on the floor against the turned over couch as tears blotched his face. Jon didn't have the will to do anything anymore. As if this last year was for nothing, like all of his hard work was pulled out from other him and he lost a year of his life. All the money he had saved up, his electronics, everything he worked so hard for, gone. Along with his spirits, happiness, love, and trust- It was all gone.

Jon didn't know what more to do but to call someone to help him clean up or to even help him get up from the floor since it felt like he was nailed to the ground. Emma got there first and for almost an hour just sat with Jon's head in her lap as her fingers stroked his blond hair. He tried not to cry, but small tears snaked from his eyes and dripped over his nose, landing against the blue jeans Emma was wearing. She didn't say a word, though, waiting until he was ready to talk and not pushing him even if he didn't want to.

Joe got there a few hours after, making Jon's heart hurt even more as it felt like it sunk to his stomach. He didn't even realize how much he'd miss the older man, his eyes tracing over the familiar face, jaw line, tied up hair, biceps covered by a black short sleeved shirt, and loose sweat pants that hung off him beautifully leaving little to the imagination. "Hey.. Fuck, what happened here?"

Emma shifted and Jon could feel her tense underneath him, causing him to sit up. "You must be Joe." She said politely, getting up to stick her hand out to the bigger man. "I'm Emma, Jon's.. uh, friend. He hasn't talked much since I've been here but maybe you can get him to open up a bit. I actually have to get to class so.." She turned to look at Jon, smiling as leaned down to kiss his cheek. "Are you going to be okay?"

He simply nodded, letting Emma know that it was alright if she left, watching as the younger woman collected her things, smiled at Joe, and left the apartment, closing the door behind her. Jon gathered himself up and began to stand up when he felt Joe's hands helping him, but he jerked away from him instantly. "I don't need your help."

"Jon, you're the one who called me, remember?"

Jon shook his head, pushing his messy blond hair from his face. "Look, just leave. I'll be fine on my own."

"You can barely stand up. Let me help you."

"I don't need your help! Don't you have some slut to go fuck or something?"

Joe scoffed and shook his head, hands sliding into the pockets of his sweat pants. "Okay, I deserve that. I deserve fucking worse for what I did to you, but if you think that I'm just going to leave you in your time of need, you got another fucking thing coming. Jon, I care about you. No matter who I'm with or what I've done, I want to make sure you're okay. And if that means staying here until you feel safe or until every piece of furniture is put back in its place, so be it."

"Why?" Jon asked, pawing at his face as tears flowed freely from his eyes. "Why the fuck should I trust you again, huh, Joe? You did nothing but lie to me the two months you were with me. You did nothing but take my love and threw it back in my face every time you walked out that door and into Colby's arms. And then you just give up! When I didn't return your calls, when I wasn't giving you the attention you craved, you gave up."

"That's not what happened."

"Then what the fuck happened?!" His voice broke, hand clenching at his tight chest.

Joe frowned and broke eye contact with Jon as he looked around, sighing at the damage done to Jon's house. "Come with me. I'll put you in a hotel for a couple days and call a cleaning service to pick all this shit up."

"I don't want your help."

"I'll let you borrow some money until you get back on your feet," Joe continued as if Jon hadn't spoke. "Let me help you."

"Why?"

"Because you need someone to."

"I don't need you."

"Maybe not, but I know that you're too damn prideful to ask anyone for help. I know that you'd rather suffer in silence like you have your whole life than to trust me again, but damnit, Jon, I care! Despite my flaws, I care about you and I can't stand to see you hurting. So please. If only for tonight, just let me fucking take care of you."

He should have said no. Jon should have pushed Joe until he was out of his apartment and slammed the door right in his face. He should have trusted his instinct instead of going back to being that scared little boy who desperately needed the attention of others. He should of said no, but the word seemed so hard to say when it came to Joe. And so he found himself in a nice hotel with this man, clothes shredded from his body as he joined Joe in the tub, leaning against him, craving the comfort that only Joe provided. And he knew it was wrong. He knew it was so damn wrong to enjoy the feel of his fingers against his skin, Joe's breath against his neck, or the way his body seemed to just melt into his so perfectly. He should have said no when teeth grazed at his ear and soft words of endearment made goosebumps rise on his skin. He should have shouted no tell he was blue in the face when lips found their way to his shoulder, kissing the collarbone that led up to his neck, fingers turning his chin towards Joe's face and they were kissing- Slowly, without rush, getting reacquainted with each other's mouths, tongues, and lips as they passionately made out, the water sloshing around them.

But he didn't. The whole time, he didn't say no. Jon couldn't find the word even as he was being carried in Joe's strong arms back to the bed and laid down on the plush hotel mattress, he couldn't. The bed shifted under Joe's weight as he climbed on, legs on either side of Jon, hands crawling up the blond's chest as if he were remembering every inch. Long strands of black hair fell over Jon's shoulders and back and Jon couldn't help but run his fingers through the locks, missing the way it felt against his skin. He smiled, hooded eyes looking up at the man above him, a man so perfect, so beautiful, who could have anyone he pleased yet he wanted Jon. He couldn't fathom that. Couldn't believe that it was true, thinking he was going to wake up at any moment, but he didn't- And he wasn't going to because this was reality. And he felt it as Joe kissed his skin, strong hands gripping his waist, his own legs wrapped around Joe, clinging to him desperately. He felt it when Joe's manhood pressed against his entrance, back arching off the mattress and he begged to be made love to in a voice he couldn't even recognize as his own. Head spinning, everything felt as if were moving so far around them, which Joe and him were moving in the slowest speed possible. He felt every inch of Joe filling him for the first time. The walls of his puckered hole would wail if they had a voice, would scream, beg, plead for more. Instead they welcomed the massive size of Joe's length, they welcomed the penetration, welcome the pleasure and the pain, welcomed the skin to skin contact they craved so much. Inch by inch by inch by _fucking_ inch, Joe filled Jon until he was nothing but a weeping heap of a man beneath him, every inhale shaky, every exhale even shakier. His fingers clung to Joe's biceps like his shirts did, nails digging into the tanned skin. His mouth hung open as moans flowed freely into the air and Joe reciprocated every single one with groans and growls of his own. His blue eyes stayed on Jon's grey blue ones the whole time, which made the whole process that much more intense. And when the words 'I love you' came from Jon's mouth at the same time that he came as every limb on his body shivered uncontrollably, he only thought of one thing other than the pleasure:

_'I should have said no.'_


	11. Bad boy

Things took off pretty quickly after Jon's first time. He realized, or rather accepted, that he'd rather have Joe in his life like this than not at all. He knew it was wrong for staying, for loving Joe while he had this whole other life with Colby, but could you blame him? His whole life he'd been searching for someone to love and accept him and then Joe comes along, this unbelievable real life prince, and sweeps him off his feet. Loves him despite his flaws, despite his fears. And sure, Joe doesn't only love him, it's complicated, but Jon can't seem to leave him alone. He's smitten. Completely and honestly in love with Leati Joseph Anoa'i. There were many times that he almost left, though. Emma tried to tell him why it was wrong of him to stay, but also knew it wasn't any of her business. She just didn't want to see her best friend getting hurt over a guy who seemed to be like a player and indecisive about what he wanted. Another time was when Joe had confessed that he asked Colby to marry him. It broke Jon's heart all over again, he even stopped talking to Joe for a few days, but once again, found himself in the older man's arms. He asked Joe to not marry him so quickly. To think about it for a while and that he would stay as long as he wasn't married. Because _then_ it would feel wrong to be sleeping with him- As if it wasn't wrong before. But Jon thought that as long as Joe wasn't tied down, bonded by marriage, that anything could happen. He still believed, every single day hoped and prayed, that Joe loved him more and that he would picked him over Colby. He pictured their whole lives together, knew that he could make Joe happy because honestly. If Joe wasn't completely happy, would he be here with Jon most of the time rather than with Colby?

Of course, Colby knew nothing about the affair. He suspected, but Joe was awfully good at hiding his tracks. Perhaps a bit too good for anyone's liking, but since no one but Jon knew about it, no one called him out on it. Joe often wondered why he'd kept leading on the two men to believing that what he was doing was okay. Even if Colby knew nothing, Joe knew the younger man wasn't dumb. He'd figure out sooner or later. Joe would slip up and he'd find out, so why couldn't he stop? He had no idea. Colby, Jon.. He loved them both in different ways. His history with Colby wouldn't let him walk away. He's known the man since freshmen high school, he was there senior year when Joe's first girlfriend died in a car accident in which he was the driver. They had a collision with another car and while he was saved, his girlfriend's side of the car was completely crushed, her included. She'd been seven months pregnant at the time and the lost of the two of them completely devastated Joe. He found comfort in Colby's arms, who'd been his best friend. The two ended up falling for each other rather quickly, though to this day, Colby still says it's because he missed his girlfriend too much, but Joe never confirmed whether that was two or not. Either way, they ended up at the same college in Georgia Tech, dated through most of freshmen and sophomore year when Colby left him one day to come to Vegas, no explanation as to why. The pain Joe felt brought him to the Sin City as well, in hopes of getting back with his lover and make amends for whatever it was that he did, but it took a while. Colby was tired of living in Joe's ex. girlfriend's shadows. He didn't want to seem selfish since she'd died a horrible death, but he wanted Joe to have some time to himself, to think that if he really loved him or if he was just using him to fill a hole in his heart. Joe realized he couldn't live without his lover and so they started a new life in Vegas, decided that they were going to be together for as long as God allowed them to be.

Then Jon came along. Joe felt so mesmerized by the blond man. Loved his innocence and the way he would look shyly at the ground. He couldn't explain it, but everything drew him to Jon. Before he realized it, Joe was lying about Colby, spending time going back and forth between Jon and his boyfriend, lying, living two different lives. And to be honest? He found it exhilarating. Mostly because he now knew, after Jon took him back so easily, that he could have the two of them and that he could keep living this life for as long as possible- And that's what he planned on doing. Joe knew it made him seem like a bad guy, but had anyone else fallen in love with two people and knew he was able to have them both, even if consequences were in the balance later down the line, they would do it, too. After a few months, he stopped feeling bad about it and embraced the life he'd chosen for himself, even if he was playing with two hearts.

Things were fine for months and months on end, but then May came along. The end of May had two special dates, his birthday and Colby's birthday. Every year they planned someone on the nearest weekend after their birthday's, taking a trip out of town and this year was no different. Only, Joe had forgotten about their plans because he was too busy getting his birthday sex from Jon. He'd fallen asleep the day before he and Colby were set to leave town for their weekend getaway and didn't wake up until late that afternoon. He had six missed called and ten messages from Colby, telling him that he better be laying dead in a ditch somewhere or he was seriously going to get a mouth full out of him. Although he didn't want to leave Jon, he left his lover a note and left the apartment, hopped on his bike, and sped to Colby's side, full of apologies. Another thing he forget? To shower.. And Jon's scene was so thick on Joe's skin, his hair a mess which it never was. He blamed it on the wind from riding the bike over there, but Colby knew better. His suspicious had been true and all he wanted now was for Joe to tell him everything. No holding back, lay it all down on the line.

And Joe did. Told him everything from the moment he met Joe up until that very second. Apologized profusely and told Colby that he wanted nothing but to marry him and be with him and that he'd never cheat on him again. Colby didn't give him an answer right away, just got up and left the house, got in his car, and drove away. Joe was completely devastated. He thought he'd lost Colby for good and for six hours he didn't hear a thing from the other man, not even a single text. Until the phone finally rang and Colby told him that he went to the destination they'd set for their birthday getaway and asked Joe to give him some space for a few days. Colby said he wasn't sure if he would be able to go back to him, wasn't sure if their relationship could overcome his infidelity, his lies that had gone on for so long. Joe was broken. He knew he deserved it, but his heart felt as if it had been ripped out of his chest. As if it had been completely twisted and wrung right in front of his face, so mercilessly, so evilly. So he did the one thing he knew would get rid of the pain. He drank. He drank and drank until he couldn't anymore and passed out until later that night. Sober, he hopped back on his motorcycle and went to the club that Jon worked at, but didn't go to his lover's bar. He watched his lover from afar as he drank from another bar. Drank and drank all night. Watched his lover, scowling every time someone who wasn't a customer talked to him. Cursed every time his faggot boss touched Jon's arm, his eyes burning fire when Joe gave him that shy smile and chuckle. Even from across the casino, Joe could see Jon's cheeks flare up bright red. So he drank. He drank until he blacked out once again. Drank and drank...


	12. Nightmare

Jon was happy, finally. Before Joe, he was lonely, looking for someone to help him fill that void inside, burying himself in whatever woman that would want him then cried himself to sleep most nights. After he met Joe, it wasn't perfect, but after some bumps in the road, he'd settled into a feeling that made his heart beat twice as fast whenever he saw the older man and he never gave up hope that one day, it would just be them with no Colby in sight. For once, he was finally content with the way his life was going and there was nothing that could ruin it. It's been months since he cried, months since he felt like everything was falling apart. Even when Joe told him that he was engaged now, it wasn't enough to completely break him down. Sure, he felt stupid for staying with a man that had a fiance, but people did it all the time, right? And it sure beat the alternative of being alone all the time.

That night, Jon was in high spirits. Work at the casino was going great, laughs and good times all around. His body had agreed to give him next weekend off since he wanted to do a belated something for Joe's birthday which was that weekend. Of course, he had plans with Colby, but Jon didn't let that deter his feelings about wanting to do something special for his boyfriend. He couldn't wait to get out of work that night to talk to Joe and ask him if they could hang out the weekend after, wanting to make sure that Colby didn't steal him away as he usually did.

Driving home, Jon was too busy singing to a song playing on the radio to notice a swerving motorcycle behind him, too close for comfort, following all the way home. He parked, gathered up his things, and went up to his apartment, happily humming as he unlocked the door but he before he could step inside, someone grabbed him roughly from around the waist, scaring the living hell out of him. "What the hell?!"

"Ssh, it's me, baby.." Joe spoke, his words slurred as he kissed Jon's neck, moaning softly.

Jon turned in Joe's arms, noticing the man's bloodshot eyes, drenched clothes, smelling like a liquor store. "Damn, Joe. What the hell happened?"

"Nothing happened. Can't I kiss my boyfriend?" His arms tightened around Jon's waist, causing the blond to whimper in pain.

"M-maybe you should come in and shower, yeah? Here, let me grab this stuff-" He tried to move to grab his things from the ground, but Joe wouldn't let him go. "Joe, you're hurting me.."

"Yeah? You never complained before."

Eyebrows furrowed in confusion as tearful blue eyes glanced up at Joe's own. "What's going on with you? Why are you acting like this?"

Joe didn't answer as he grabbed Jon's wrist roughly and pulled him into the apartment, tossing him on the ground and slamming the door shut, locking every blot. "You think you could just be a little whore and not get punished?"

The tears now flowed from Jon's eyes, pain shooting through his shoulder that had been driven straight into the floor. "Joe, please. I have n-no idea what you're e-even talking about. Calm down."

"Don't fucking tell me to calm down!" Joe roared, walking up to Joe and grabbing his chin, pulling their faces close. "Are you fucking your boss?"

"..what?! Joe, are you fucking serious?"

"Do I look like I'm joking? I saw the way that old hag was looking at you, like he wanted to drive his wrinkly dick down your Goddamn throat. Is that how you've been getting all these bonuses, huh? You suck his dick and bend over and be his good little boy? Answer me, you whore!"

"Joe, no! I've n-never fucking cheated on you! Please, you're h-hurting me!"

Joe growled and pushed Jon back down on the ground and stood up, hovering over the younger man. "I'm gonna teach you exactly who owns you."

Jon couldn't speak, his throat completely closed off by sobs as he watched Joe undo his jeans. He tried to crawl away, but Joe grabbed his legs and pulled him back, turning him onto his stomach and pinning him to the ground. "Joe, stop!"

"Shut the fuck up! Don't fucking speak to me, you filthy whore." A hand ripped at Jon's work slacks, exposing his lower body. Joe's hand came up to squeeze tightly around the back of Jon's next, his words coming out full of hate. "Stop. Fucking. Moving."

Jon continued to squirm, crying, and clawing at the floor, trying to get away from the bigger man, but he knew it was no use. Joe was stronger than he was and eventually he felt the pain of a forced entrance jolting through his body. He cried out, begged for Joe to stop, continued to squirm but it was no used since Joe now had his entire body pinning Jon's to the ground as he fucked him roughly, uncoordinated, desperately, and hatefully. Slurred words that Jon couldn't make out continued to spill from Joe's lips and sooner rather than later, Jon began to tune the whole thing out. The words, the pain, Joe's lips against his shoulder or his hand pulling the short blond hair. He made himself become numb, like he used to when he was a little boy and his parents would yell as if world war three was taking place within his house. He would curl himself into a small ball and just dream of someplace better, far, far away from the pain.

Jon didn't know how long the whole thing lasted before he came back to reality. He was now in his bed, covered up with his blankets, the room dark, and Joe was gone. His body throbbed all over and he could feel bruises starting to form on arms his thighs. He didn't want to move a muscle so instead he just closed his eyes and tried not to cry, but the tears still snaked from his lids and drenched his face as well as the pillow under his head. Jon didn't understand what he did wrong and why Joe hurt him so bad, but one thing he did figure out before the sun peeked in through the sheer curtains was that he was done with Joe. This was the last time he was going to allow the older man to hurt him and suddenly he began to blame himself for letting it get to this point, for giving Joe too many chances, opened his heart up too many times, and allowing the older man to break it over and over again.


End file.
